


Time to Discuss the Claus

by phoenixyfriend



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And then there are discussions of:, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Movies, Colonialism, Gen, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Religion, The Santa Clause - Freeform, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 21:17:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13198728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend/pseuds/phoenixyfriend
Summary: Christmas movies are usually a fun time, but when aliens come into play, alittleexplanation may be in order first.





	Time to Discuss the Claus

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Voltron Exchange over on tumblr. Not _quite_ to the prompt, but I tried.

“I don’t understand,” Allura said.

“It’s a pretty common holiday back on Earth,” Shiro told her. “Technically religious, but even people who aren’t the religion in question celebrate it sometimes because it’s just that common.”

“Multiple religions, even!” Matt added cheerily. “A lot of Christmas traditions were actually adopted from old Norse Yule traditions in the process of taking over the countries in question, so—”

“ _What._ ”

“Yeah, Christian countries often had a system when taking over countries to integrate local culture into their own religious practices in order to make the oppressed groups less likely to fight back. Turns out people are _way_ more complacent and willing to put up with shit when you’re not suppressing their culture and traditions completely.”

“God only knows how many pagan holidays and fables were twisted by Christian invasions,” Pidge said, with a relish in her voice that made Shiro groan internally. “Like, with Vila? Those were—”

“Guys, the topic,” Shiro said. “You’re getting off of it.”

Allura looked mildly horrified, though Coran looked more intrigued than anything, rubbing his mustache thoughtfully as he listened.

“Anyway, Christmas traditions are fairly stable these days,” Lance said, putting a hand on Allura’s shoulders and leading her over to the couch. “But for an introduction, we’re just gonna watch some Christmas movies.”

“Context,” Hunk said. “Christmas is ostensibly about celebrating the birth of Christ, an important historical figure from Christianity, which is the biggest... actually, is it the biggest religion on Earth?”

“Think so, but it might be smaller than Islam. I’m not actually sure,” Matt admitted.

“Well, one of the biggest religions on Earth,” Hunk said. “Most of the traditions were actually pagan practices that Christianity picked up while people were out conquering stuff, and one of the biggest is Santa Claus, who is... based on a different historical figure?”

“Saint Nicholas, a black Turkish Saint who was known for his charity,” Lance jumped in. “As the only person here who’s actually a devout Christian—”

“Oi.”

“—since _both of the Holts_ have admitted to not being particularly devout to either of the religions they grew up with,” Lance continued, shooting Pidge an unimpressed look for interrupting. “I’m going to take over here. So, Santa Claus is a nickname for a legendary figure we have. He’s old, big, and wears red and white. He spends the entire year making toys with his elves and then, on Christmas Eve, he flies around the entire world delivering presents to all the kids that have been good. There’s stockings hung by the chimney for smaller gifts, which is based on the historical Saint Nicholas leaving coins in poor people’s long socks when they hung them out to dry after washing day. For the kids that have been bad, Santa leaves coal instead of presents, or if you live in certain parts of Europe, the story is that the Krampus comes and eats you.”

“Haven’t a lot of places phased that out in favor the coal story because it’s more child-friendly?” Hunk asked.

“Yeah,” Lance said, trailing off and looking at the ceiling as he tapped his chin. He shrugged. “Anyway, that’s what most Christmas movies are about. Most people stop believing in Santa by the time they're eight, since it’s actually parents putting out the gifts, and there are other traditions. If you’re religious, like me, you go to church on Christmas Day, attend Mass, that sort of thing. There’s a big dinner the night before and the day of, with certain foods being traditional. Even after people stop believing in Santa, it’s still tradition to exchange presents for Christmas... and most other winter holidays, I think. Definitely Hanukkah, but I’m not sure about Kwanzaa or any others, and there’s no way to check for sure while we’re out here.”

“Okay, I need to jump in and say that Santa Claus is actually based heavily on Odin,” Matt said.

“Right,” Lance said, snapping and pointing at Matt. “Thank you. Yeah. Santa is also partly based on Odin, a god from Norse mythology, though most people don’t realize it, and the whole red-and-white, jolly, old, and fat thing means you wouldn’t recognize Odin’s old Yuletide gift dude image as Santa’s...”

“Predecessor?” Matt suggested.

“Heck yeah.”

“So it’s a gift-giving holiday for family and friends,” Coran summarized, “With a legend based on a historical figure giving said gifts to children, and various traditions incorporated from a colonialist past?”

“Exactly!” Lance cheered. “You got it!”

“So... what other religions and traditions are there?” Allura asked, looking a mite bit confused. “I know you’ve said that there are many, but...”

“Well, Christmas is the one we’re doing now because it’s kind of omnipresent in the US,” Shiro explained. “And then New Year’s, obviously, but Christmas is... it’s not secular, but it’s common enough that even if you don’t celebrate it, you probably get invited to office parties and stuff, though most places have phased over into calling it a winter holiday party in recognition of not everyone being Christian. There are a lot of cultures and I don’t think we could cover all of them even if we tried, but of the six of us... I grew up with my grandparents, so my childhood was mostly a mix of Shinto and surface-level Christianity that was more cultural than religious.”

“Matt and I grew up with Judaism on one side and Orthodox Christianity on the other,” Pidge said. “So holidays and religion are... fun. They just raised us with both and told us to choose what we wanted to believe once we understood everything.”

“Agnostic,” Keith said, his first and thus far only contribution to the conversation. “I don’t know if gods are real, and I don’t think there’s any way _to_ know, so... I’ll see what happens when I die, I guess. Do my best to be a good person, and if there’s a heaven, great. If not, I was still good, right?”

Allura nodded slowly, eyes tracking over to Hunk.

“I’m Samoan, so... I mean, there’s some cultural osmosis from the US due to colonialism, but most of my beliefs and traditions are just... firmly Samoan,” Hunk said, shrugging. “It stands alone from the Abrahamic religions like Judaism and Christianity and Islam, though. Absolutely no connection.”

“And I’m Roman Catholic,” Lance rounded out cheerily. “Also, now that we’ve run that list down, we’re gonna do what we came here to do.”

Allura raised an eyebrow. “And that is...”

“Christmas movies!” Lance said throwing his hands up in the air like a child.

Allura looked at Coran, and then at Shiro.

“They’re not bad,” Shiro assured her. “Pretty fun, and usually kind of heartwarming, especially the kids movies.”

“I’m thinking, The Santa Clause,” Lance said, fingers wriggling.

“To handle a translation issue before it gets confusing,” Pidge interrupted. “Santa’s surname and the legal term clause are homonyms, so the movie title is a pun. We cool? Cool.”

Keith raised a hand. “Is that the one where—”

“Spoilers!” Hunk said. “You’ll find out soon. So... who wants hot chocolate?”

Every human hand went up immediately. Allura and Coran glanced at each other, and then theirs joined the rest.

o.o.o.o.o

“Is this true of all the legends?” Allura whispered.

“Nah, most Santa movies try to do their own twist,” Lance whispered back as the man on the screen put on the empty red coat. “This is just a really fun one.”

“We could watch ELF next?” Keith suggested.

“Kinda heavy on the secondhand embarrassment,” Hunk muttered. “I’ll probably end up covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut a lot to avoid it.”

“These are... reindeer?” Allura asked, sounding the word out carefully.

“Well, they don’t actually fly in real life,” Shiro told her. “But reindeer _have_ historically been used to pull sleighs in countries that are especially snowy. I think the only other creature that does the same job in those kinds of conditions are certain breeds of dog.”

Laughter was stifled at Coran and Allura’s sudden interest in the elves.

“Their ears!”

“Yep. Elves.”

“So... not human, then.”

“Played by humans wearing fake ears, buuuuuuut the species they’re portraying is fictional,” Pidge confirmed.

“Why are they all played by children?” Coran asked.

“Because cute,” Hunk said. “Now watch the movie. It’s getting good.”

There were more questions as time passed, of course.

“None of the adults believe in Santa Claus, so how do they explain the sudden appearance of the presents to themselves when they know they didn’t buy them in this universe where he is apparently a real figure?” Coran asked.

“Arbitrary skepticism,” Matt suggested.

“Assume the other parent bought it as a surprise,” Shiro suggested.

“The presents are wrapped in magic paper that changes their memories so they think they _did_ buy it, or confuses them so much they don’t realize they should question it,” Keith said.

There was silence save for the sound of the movie for several long moments.

“That’s a good one,” Lance admitted somewhat grudgingly. “A little dark, though.”

“Suspension of disbelief, guys,” Pidge reminded them. “All of this is impossible. That’s why it’s a Christmas movie. Let it go.”

“...is a heavier weight normally indicative of ill health in humans?” Coran asked, when the scene in the doctor’s office came around.

“Not inherently,” Hunk said. “I mean, I’m perfectly healthy, yeah? But rapid weight gain like that, from just sugars and fats from the cookies and such? That’s _way_ more likely to be or cause a problem. Any sudden shift in weight in either direction is a bad idea, actually. Like, _losing_ weight that fast can send you into a coma if you hit starvation mode.”

“I see.”

It did take longer than expected for one particular question to crop up.

“Are humans... omnivorous?” Allura asked, not entirely delicately.

“Yes.” “No.” “Not _technically_.” “Yeah.” “Mostly?”

“Granivores, by definition, but yeah,” Hunk finished it off.

Allura blinked at them.

“We can eat veggies, fruits, meat, dairy, grains, certain minerals, and a few other things that don’t fit into any real category,” Shiro expanded.

“Well, that’s not frightening at all...”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Princess,” Lance teased.

Of course, the core problem of the movie eventually got its own question.

“Is this not a form of horrifying mental manipulation, essentially using magic to brainwash the main character into—”

“Try not to think about that too much, Allura. For your own peace of mind.”

The movie was finished off with what was mostly polite confusion on the part of the Alteans, though the willingness to answer questions had helped very much.


End file.
